Andaran atish'an
by Shiamita
Summary: Freya Lavellan chases after Solas. (Includes beginning and end of Trespasser and then moves on.) This is my first fanfic and my first fan art. Posting art on my tumblr: shiamita.
1. Chapter 1: The Green Light

I was on my way to the war room, through the stone chambers and hallway still in need of repairs. As I touched the door handle I felt a breeze blow past me. A breeze that felt only like a mane. I noticed Cullen then, trying to compose himself. He gave me a shy smile, still the kind man that helped me through it all. Still the man that graciously bowed out when I had chosen Solas over him. Solas.

Even thinking the world conjured images of him dancing through my mind. Times of him laughing, smiling, pride on his face. The moment I had called him a sweet talker. The moment he asked me to dance. These images were then followed by those of grief and guilt. The moment he scolded me for drinking from the well. The moment he said he was sorry. When he left me emotionally and physically. Vhenan.

I shook off these thoughts, they wouldn't help me now. He was two years gone. I needed to continue to use my indomitable focus on the inquisition. The organization that kept me, even after Corypheus had fallen. Cullen, faced me, surrounded by Josephine, Cassandra, and Leliana. He cleared his throat, finally gaining my attention, he continued.

"We have some news of a rebellion in the Nor-"

A scream broke around me. One that I hadn't heard in two years. This scream was pure pain, and it took me a moment to realize that it had escaped from my lips. Shudders racked through my body as I felt waves of nausea run through me. Thoughts began to spring around in my head. This couldn't be happening. The last time I had felt this pain was before the orb was broken. Two years ago.

Was it Him? Was it Solas? Was he near? No. The pain vanished when the orb cracked open, even though I tried to console him. It was the orb.

How could it have been fixed? Did Solas fix it? How could Solas have done that? He wouldn't have had the power. He must have found the god it belonged to. But I thought all the gods had be locked away. All except Mythal.

All these thoughts kept bouncing through my mind in a parade. Not a singular thought taking hold above any other, until only one thought remained. As much as it pained me, I needed to go to him. I needed to see Solas.


	2. Chapter 2: Him

I slipped through Eluvian after Eluvian. Qunari constantly in my way. Nothing would stop me from getting to Him. I felt the pull of our connection growing stronger. Each step brought me closer. I finally made it past all the obstacles they had set in my way and stepped through that final Eluvian. I felt my body humming then. Something inside knew he was in this place. Though thoroughly exhausted I took one step after another. Each one due to the pull of Him. I heard him before I saw him.

"Leave now, and tell the Qunari to trouble me no further."

I heard her battle cry as I crossed over the crest of the hill. She was going to kill him. My whole body exploded with the need to protect him. My body ready to jump across and protect him, I saw him stop moving. Everything slowed down. My mind raced as the Qunari leader move infinitesimally.

I saw his head move a fraction towards her as she turned to stone. The scream that had bubbled to my throat dissipated and my jaw went slack. I finally noticed my surroundings. Qunari statues filled the courtyard. Their expressions forever frozen into ones of shock, anger, and the most rare, fear.

I finally turned back to Him. Each step closer to him making my heart beat that much faster until I was only a few feet away. "Solas," it was a plea from my heart, one that was never meant to escape my lips again, but somehow it did.

He turned. Each minute movement my eyes cemented into my memory forever. If this was to be our final encounter, I wanted to remember it. He dressed differently than I had ever seen. Gone were his simple robes. He was now clad in the armor he never deigned to wear in my presence. Considering the number of battles we had fought, that never made sense to me. Looking at him now, I understand. He was regal, in a sense I never saw before. The way he held himself. The way his clothing fit him like a glove. He was perfect. He was my Vhenan.

Our eyes connected for the briefest moment and I felt real. He saw me. I was finally whole again. I knew that in the time before, when he told me in the glen, that we could not be. I knew then, just as I know now that he still loves me. I know with my whole being that I would forgive him anything and be at his side, always. That was until he left following the orb's destruction. I never understood-

A searing pain ripped through me, stronger than before. Everything was colored green from the light that escaped my hand. Suddenly I felt the cold dirt beneath my knees, pebbles indenting my skin. With each passing moment, it felt like an hour had gone by. The pain was unending and merciless in its consumption of all thoughts.

The light then faded to a pale glow, and the pain ebbed with it. Looking up I realized I had fallen, and I saw the man before me. Could he still be a man? With his shining armor of gold, and the pelt that went around him like a sash, I had never seen anything more magnificent. His eyes caught me then, and in their powerful gaze I saw his sorrow.

He reached out his hand, and I saw the curve of his fingers that I missed so dearly. I felt my fingers brush against his hand before he solidly grasped mine. The humming came back tenfold, as it always did when we touched. It was as if my body knew that we belonged, forever touching. He gently guided me to my feet, never breaking away from my eyes.

In a breathless whisper I heard him say, "That should give us more time."

I let out a slow breath, enjoying the moment of him so close. One corner of his mouth twitched up as he continued, "I suspect you have questions."

I let out the breath I held. I looked down at my hand, moving on its own, it found its home in his chest. I felt his shoulder move slightly into my hand and he found home in it too. I looked back up into the depths of his eyes as I confessed, "The Qunari were trying to kill you." I took a quick breath as the imagined images of his body in a crumpled heap at my feet passed. "I wanted to get here first."

Something akin to sadness poured back into his eyes, for a reason I could not understand. "I know. They sought an agent of Fen'Harel."

He let go of my hand then and stepped backwards just out of reach. As if giving me the opportunity to run before he began his next sentence, "I am no one's agent but my own." His eyes pleaded with me to understand. He continued, "I fear that the truth is much simpler, and much worse, than the Qunari believe."

He turned his face away, trying to hide before I could see his expression of self-loathing. He moved too slow. Things started to click into place then. His knowledge of the orb and the fade. The way he moved, as if gravity was his subject, rather than his master. His ability to calm the mark that spread from my hand.

I wondered now, if this was all he kept hidden. If this was his sole reason for pulling away. I was something that could be large enough to tear most people apart. Though, I thought he knew by now, I could never leave him. No matter the personal cost, he is my one and only vhenan.

The words came spilling from my lips, "You're Fen'Harel."

He slowly turned back to face me, the mask in place. I thought we were finally past all this. I thought He would be able to understand that I love him for the man he is, not by the name he bares.

"I was Solas first," he said with perfect clarity, "Fen'Harel came later."

I noticed his lip slightly quake before he continued. This was new territory for him, never having been able to reveal his true self, at least not since the fall. "An insult I took as a badge of pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies," he paused, taking care in the words he used, "Not unlike 'Inquisitor', I suppose."

The next words that dripped from his lips were drenched in the hate he had for himself, "And now you know," his head falling, unable to meet my gaze. If only he did, he would see the love I have for him, and the complete acceptance. After he offered to remove my vallaslin, and I denied him, I knew I could only ever love him. From that moment, my love for him was all consuming and I would never let it be considered an abomination.

A singular chuckled parted his lips. He glance up, unseeing, "What is the old Dalish curse? 'May the Dread Wolf take you'?" He shook his head then, as if to clear a bitter thought. My poor vhenan, why won't you let me love you?

"And so he did." Ar lath ma, vhenan. You will always have my heart.

Solas looked so sad then. I need to remember every movement, every sweet moment we had together. This is what would sustain me if he left again. "I did not. I would not lay with you under false pretenses," each word was a cut on my skin. Each cut stung from the harshness of his tone.

"But you lied to me. I loved you. Did you really think I wouldn't have understood?"

"Ir abelas, vhenan."

I could almost weep. In that one simple word, I knew he still loved me. I could deal with any other truth, as long as he told me the truth.

"Tel'abelas. If you care, give me truth."

He took a deep breath. His shoulders straightened out of his slump. His eyes finally able to meet mine again. He started into his story, pacing in front of me the whole time. Eyes checking my reaction. I never flinched. I would not let him know that I had ever been afraid of the truth.

One question still plagued me. So much was shared, and yet so little, I could not see why this would keep us apart.

"That's the past. What about the future?"

He walked away, each step tugged at my body, always needing to be closer. "I lay in a dark in dreaming sleep while countless wars and ages passed. I woke still weak, a year before I joined you. My people fell for what I did to strike the Evanuris down, but still some hope remains for restoration."

Hope lit up my face. This was it, his reason for pulling away. I could help him in this quest. He didn't have to do it alone, I was right there. He glanced back at me, slowly taking step by step towards him. He turned back around before continuing, "I will save the elven people, even if this world must die."

I fell. "This world." To fix his mistake. So many mistakes. "Why does this world have to die, for the elves to return?" the question escaped my lips with barely a wisp of breath.

He knelt in front of me then, tilting my chin up so that I would be forced to look into his eyes. "A good question, but not one I will answer. You have always shown a thoughtfulness I respected. It would be too easy to tell you too much. I am not Corypheus. I take no joy in this. But the return of my people, means the end of yours."

A tear escaped, too weary to trap it myself, I felt the soft pad of his thumb brush it away. My eyes closed for the briefest of moments before I was finally able to look into his eyes again. Completely consumed by the depths their depths. Depths filled with sorrow and pain. He was committed to his path, and could never ask me to join him on it. What did the humans say about star-crossed lovers? Pulled together by a force greater than their own only to be torn apart. With each breath I felt the tears growing, holding onto the only thing keeping me together, hope. He was ready to pay the price, loss of everything in this world, to right the wrongs he committed against his people.

I wasn't ready to lose him quite yet, though.


	3. Chapter 3: Goodbye

"There is still the matter of the anchor," I breathed, his face only inches from mine, "It's getting worse."

The hand that wiped my tear slowly went from cupping my face to tangling into my hair. His other hand brushed against my cheek before resting against my face. "I know, vhenan. And we are running out of time."

A searing green light blinded me as the anchor flew across the unmarked flesh on my arm. Only slightly behind it was the ripping pain. The pain pulled me into a dark chasm. Every inch I fell only fueling its hold on me. Falling further and further, the pain started to ebb. Unable to see, or hear, my other senses heightened. A burned smell invaded my nose and mouth. I was inhaling pure smoke, but where was the smoke coming from? I started to lose the sense that there had ever been anything other than this hole. It was all consuming.

Just as my stomach was adapting to the feeling of constant falling something was dragging me out. I was being tugged closer and closer to the edge and white started forming around the edges of my vision. I blinked twice before I realized I could see again, and could use my body to sense where I was.

I was in his arms. Head cradled against his chest staring straight into his eyes. Eyes that were glowing blue for the briefest of seconds before I saw the emotion in them. They were filled with concern, and loss. I could only guess at why loss was there. Probably because this was our goodbye, and neither of us was ready to say it. This mark was going to consume me, and I barely had the strength left to put my good arm around his neck, and pull him close.

My hand went to the nape of his neck, toying with the ties of his necklace. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to him. Goodbye felt permanent, and I hadn't had enough time yet. I still needed to memorize the way his eyes melted into mine when he was proud of me. The way he surprised me with how confident he was in who he was, despite other's vile remarks about our race. His race.

I pulled him to me then, our lips barely brushing, reminding me of our first kiss. The kiss that started it all. In the fade where everything felt easy, but it hadn't been. "Not even in this world," he had told me. Did He know from that moment, that this is what it would come to?

He held me against him then, prolonging the kiss. A bittersweet goodbye. He pulled away from me then and spoke, "The mark will eventually kill you."

This I knew, I had felt it just moments before. The dark chasm was calling to me and at the most, I had minutes left. He continued and I almost missed what he said, focusing on the lilt and tone of his voice as it reverberated through me, "… chance to save you… at least for now."

What? He can save me? But I don't want to be saved, not unless he would stay with me. Doesn't he know that. Doesn't he see. I was miserable these last two years without him. All that kept me going were the menial tasks that the inquisition kept me doing, the balls they made me attend. I have to convince him of that. I rested my hand on the hard contours of his chest, "Solas, var lath vid suledin."

Stroking my cheek with the rough edges of his thumb he whispered, "I wish it could, vhenan."

The light came suddenly again, the mark edging its way to my torso. A strangled cry sounded from my lips. I felt the increased pressure of Solas' arms around me, as if he could absorb my pain if only he was close enough to my core. "My love," he breathed into my hair.

He tilted my chin up then, claiming my lips in a kiss. The kiss gave me a point of focus, a point away from the increasing hunger of the anchor. His other hand went to my shoulder then, soothing the pain away. The suddenness of the relief flooded through me and I gasped. He took that opportunity to deepen the kiss. His tongue invaded my mouth and was welcomed by my own. No longer needing his hand to hold my chin up he moved it to my waist, encircling me in his warmth. If this is what death is like, maybe I could get used to it. A tear rolled down my cheek at the thought. That would mean this is goodbye.

His ferocity increased then, crushing and molding my lips to his. They were already molded though, and would forever be seared with his memory, never fitting another's.

He broke away then. Slowly disentangling himself he stood, leaving me on my knees. "I will never forget you," he said as he took his last steps, going through the Eluvian. 


End file.
